The three c’s of writing well………Creativity, confidence, conviction

I put Sylvia Plath’s quote, “The worst enemy to creativity is self doubt,” on the bottom of my computer screen the other day. In my last post, I briefly discussed the truth of her statement. I also talked about how a writer must have conviction, must move beyond the internal critic. One thing to write it, another thing to do it.

The road block of self doubt holds me back as a writer more often than not. Self doubt is the reason my novel is not yet finished. I am often paralyzed by my self doubt, to the point where I can think of 9,000 other things I’d rather do than write. After all, if nothing I write is worthwhile, if every word I put down is useless, then why bother? Even as I am writing this blog post, I am doubting the value of these words. Didn’t I already post several posts about all this, I’m thinking as I write now. Why write another post about the angst of writing?

Being a closet writer for practically forever is due to my lack of faith in myself. I generally believe that I am a lousy writer. I hold this belief in spite of being told by many that  the opposite is true. Actually, there were only two people in my life that ever told me I couldn’t write and they were both lawyers. But, that’s an entirely different story.

Since I posted my blog comments on Plath’s statement, I have thought considerably about her words. As I was writing this week, I found myself consciously attempting to move beyond my self-doubt and write without considering whether what I wrote was acceptable, good enough, lousy, or brilliant. I decided not to think about if the writing that flowed from my brain connected to the pages I already have.  I didn’t care if the writing made any sense. I decided I would write with confidence, that I would write as if I already had an audience for the book. That people will want to read it. That it has value. The result was pretty amazing. I was not only able to write more without stopping to criticize it or edit it, but I was more focused. The writing flowed much better without my internal editor at work.

If only I could sustain this process of ignoring the constant nagging voice that screams at me that I’m not good enough. The negative voice inside my head that is a constant companion exhausts me, makes me feel inadequate. I end  up paralyzed at my desk, looking at the blank computer screen with no ability to produce words. So, I read over what I have already managed to write and engage in editing from the perspective that everything I’ve already written needs to be trashed. I tell myself I am a fraud—I tell myself I’m wasting my time. I tell myself that no one will care what I have to say. I tell myself I already have proof that this is the case. After all, I tell myself, if I can’t even get my family to read anything I’ve written, then no one else will, either. Perhaps the reality is that it is actually better that family hasn’t read my novel-in-progress. Rumor has it that family can be crueler than anyone else, so having one’s novel critiqued by them may be the worst idea yet.

In any event, my goal this month, despite all sorts of major interruptions, is to do my best to ignore this internal editor, this doubter, and write, write, write, write. Until. The. First. Draft. Is. Finished.  This requires creativity, confidence, and conviction. I must have the creativity to continue writing the story, the confidence to believe in what I am writing, and the conviction to do the work it takes to finish.

Even now Mr. Doubting Thomas within me is telling me I don’t stand a chance.

Stop doubting yourself as a writer!

The worst enemy to creativity is self doubt.
Sylvia Plath

I saw this quote somewhere recently and it made me reconsider my struggle to finish my novel. Indeed, there is a cold truth in Plath’s assertion. I write best when I move beyond myself. When I get into the zone, so to speak. This zone involves putting words down without any negative energy interrupting the almost magical flow of creativity.

A tall order on most days. Moving beyond the thought that what I have to say is unimportant and forgettable is usually quite difficult. The thoughts that my characters won’t matter to anyone, that the struggles within the book aren’t relevant, that the plot is boring or weak all too often paralyze me. I become incapable of writing anything when I listen to this internal doubt. My self-concept is surrounded by feelings of incapability, of ineptitude. Renders me incapable of writing anything without questioning it. Editing, editing, editing every word, every phrase, that I write. Rather than writing, writing, writing freely.

Plath points out that what lies underneath an inability to create is an internal struggle to move beyond this negative construct. Creativity, then, relies on self confidence. The capacity to create successfully requires it—I must press on with conviction.

I must embrace my creative ability rather than entertaining notions of disability.

I have just had a rather brilliant thought on that note. If I give this doubting Thomas a persona, a character, that is so distasteful, that when I hear his voice within my head, I can immediately discredit it,  self-doubt will be rendered completely invalid.

Whenever Mr. Thomas, or whatever other name I give him, shows himself, I can shut the door in his face,  hang up the phone, ignore the emails and texts he places within my psyche, and write with confidence. Worth a try, right?

I’ll keep you posted.